That's intense
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
