enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
