We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize