So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
