She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
