They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
