i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
