god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
