I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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