Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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