***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
