allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
