Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He better not be in your backpack
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize