loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
