And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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