Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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