my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
