Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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