She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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