I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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