I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize