i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
