I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
