She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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