I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
