Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
