she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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