so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize