So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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