But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
