Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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