Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My penis needs a shock collar
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
