I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
