your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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