Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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