i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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