a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
