ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
