so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
