then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry about my life...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
