He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
