is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
