it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
