You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
