turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
