haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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