I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I won the penis lottery.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
