Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
