dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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