Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
