WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
