I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize