Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
