whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
