did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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