he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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