you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
