Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
