I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
