I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
