I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
