I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize