Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
