I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
