I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize