i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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