I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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