Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
