If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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