im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
