Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
