i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Enjoy the penises
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
