Pappa wants mamma naked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
