I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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