You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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