Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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