you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When are your genitals available?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
