So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
