i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
