if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
