just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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