So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
