I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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