Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize