I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
