we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
