i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
