if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
do nipples grow back?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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