you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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