I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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