Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
