I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
