that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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